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‘Riverdale’ Recap: A Diabolical Teen Fight Club Betches

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Welcome back, individuals, to another exhilarating episode of Riverdale!.?.!! And by” thrilling” I suggest ludicrous and absolutely beyond the scope of truth however, hi, isn’t that why we sh * t talk love this program? Last episode we discovered that high school Alice looked much better in a crop top throughout her 2nd trimester of pregnancy than I do after consuming a huge gulp of air, and likewise that every moms and dad in Riverdale was incredibly into G&G back then. The principal was inexplicably killed throughout among their LARPing play dates and now everybody believes G&G is the devil’s video game. And if that seems like utter rubbish to you THAT’S BECAUSE IT IS. And on that note, shall we get to evaluating?

Okay, right now I understand this episode will be lit. The opening scenes are Jughead getting high off dragon pornography and parlor game (I paraphrase) and Archie preparing his escape from Juvie. Lol. I enjoy that the other prisoners are depending on Archie to be the brains of this operation. I imply, this is a kid whose banking password is most likely 1234 and you believe he’s gon na get you to the promised land? Seriously?

Lol, so his huge escape strategy is to simply make a run for evictions while the guards’ backs are turned? In broad daytime? THAT’ S IT ?? That’s not a strategy! That’s hardly even a believed procedure.

Predictably the guards instantly hinder Archie’s “strategy” by OPENING FIRE on a lot of minors. This is such a gross miscarriage of justice, I can’t. Like where is the Innocence Project/sorority philanthropy Veronica humble-bragged about launching? Hmm?

Archie looks surprised that his strategy didn’t work. Tbh I likewise didn’t anticipate individuals taking care of overdue kids to bring attack rifles to lawn time.

Cut to Dilton’ s bunker, where Betty is attempting to figure wtf is happening with Jughead. If he plays the video game he’ll be able to figure out who the video game master is and resolve all the murders, he’s v deep into G&G and believes that. A minimum of that’s what I collect is coming out of his mouth since all I’m hearing is “troll this” and “dragon that” and “Dumbledore in the astronomy tower with the senior wand.” SPEAK ENGLISH, MAN.

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